Remembering Ye-Ye (grandpa)

Son, 11.11.10 was one of the saddest day of my life.
My dad, your 'ye-ye' (爷爷）, was called home to be with the Lord.
Sad not because he was called home, but because death has done its trick again, the ugly trick of 'Separation.'
Just a thought of 'I am not going to see my dad again', at least till eternity, is a heart piercing feeling.
I miss him, and I am sure Fidel too. And I am sorry for Habel, not being able to experience the caring love from 'ye-ye'.

'Ye-ye' was a caring dad when I was a kid.
Few little things he done for me and with me, still very well imprinted in my mind.
He used to bring me to 'morning walk' very often, at youth park, botanical garden, and the Hindu temple near botanical garden, and sometimes, Ayer Itam dam. I remember one incident, where while I was playing football at botanical garden, one monkey suddenly jumped down from a tree and grasped my ball, carried it up a tree.

Your 'ye-ye' taught me to play Chinese Chess.
He challenged me if I am able to beat him in a chess game, he will give me RM5.
I won many times. Looking back, I know he intentionally lose the game to me.

'Ye-ye' liked to brought us (me, my sisters and brother), for a ride in his car almost every night at one time.
We will go round botanical garden (at that time, we could drive in), gurney drive, and bought supper back. Most of the time, we fell asleep in the car before we reached home, and your 'ye-ye' will carry us one by one to our beds.

'Ye-ye' used to be a church deacon, and preached occasionally.
I once asked him, 'why your sermons are always short?'
He answered me, 'like a good durian, when you open it up, it only has few fruits inside.'
Until today, when I prepare my sermon or on the pulpit preaching, these words still reminding me that it is important to have clear and precise message in each sermon I preach.

Today, your dad is still involving in prison ministry.
This is also influenced by 'ye-ye'. He was the one who brought me into Penang prison and Pulau Jerejak (it used to be a detainees camp, which has been converted to resorts now). I well remember I sang duet '一件礼物' with a brother, in front of hundreds of prisoners, gathered and sat on the floor of basketball court. It brought a big impact to my young heart and mind.



Everyone have his ups and downs.
Though your 'ye-ye' was not a perfect person, and there was a period of time, where he brought much grief to your dad, he is still and forever my one and only daddy.
On the bed of the ICU, he said to me, 'I am not a good father, and I did not play my responsibility. Sorry to all of you.'
But I told 'ye-ye', 'yes you are, you brought us up and gave to us a good up-bringing environment when we were kids.'
Without a father, there will be no son.


In remembrance of him.

My Last Sight of my Dad

Sons, this was my letter to few of my dear friends, after returning from

hospital at 1:42am 11 Nov 2010.

Not knowing this was my last sight and the last moment I spend with my dad.

Your 'ye-ye' passed away late afternoon 11 Nov.

While I was at workplace, a friend called me from hospital informed me of 'ye-ye'

critical condition.

When I reached hospital, I saw 'Ee-Ee' Cornie crying uncontrollably, and I knew at once,

I was too late........

-------------------------------------------------------

To some of my close friends,

Last 24 hours has been a moment of many reflection of pain, sorrow, love,

forgiveness and hope.

My dad was rush to hospital due to heart failure.

The image of him struggling painfully for his last breath will always be imprinted in my mind the rest

of my life.

All the sorrows and disappointing moments he brought into our lives just disappear, as me and

my sister Connie, stood besides him with tears.

Our hearts, just filled with love and sympathy for dad, who lives most of his second half of his life in

loneliness and solitude.

My dad apologize for his weakness, and failure in carry out his responsibility as father in many ways.

We assure him we don't mind at all, and never hated him. Instead, many little things he done for us

when we were kids, are still very well remembered and appreciated by us.

We told him, how we appreciate him for making breakfast for us, drive us to school, and bought us imported

expensive story books.

He just smile and said, 'this is my responsibility as your father'.

We let him talked to my sister in Johore, Mei, and brother in US, Keat.

The very moment he heard their voice, his lip quiver and tears welled up in his eyes.

Tell me it is not love.

My dad was such a strong, tough and considerate person.

With blood pressure as low as 55, and short of breath, he can still smile and talk to nurse and doctor

who attended him. No sign of fears and worry shown on his face.

It has been his character not to trouble people or make others worry.

And that was the reason why he shouldered all the financial burden alone trying to provide and maintain

our lifestyle until he couldn't make it anymore.

Many people only know and speak of my dad as a failed Christian.

But, they will never know how compassionate, loving, brave and family loving he was before he fell in his

walk with God.

People opinion on him is not important to him anymore.

He has asked forgiveness, repented, and asked God for more time, to be a good testimony, even from now

on the hospital bed.

He is laying on his bed, with peace and calmness on his face.

I just came back from hospital, holding his hand until he fell asleep.

This is one of the most precious moment in my life.

I used to see my dad as a burden to me, for the pass 20 over years.

Now, I realize, this burden has become part of me, and it is very painful and hurt, to cast it away.

God willing, let me continue to carry this burden.

Thank you for your concerns, love and prayers.

Special thank to my wife Liana.

joseph

'I am Sorry, Please forgive me'

Fidel learned to say those words at age 2 and a half, from toddler class of BSF (Bible Study Fellowship). Whenever you know you have done something wrong and deserve punishment (spanking), you will quickly say, 'Daddy (Mommy), I am sorry, please forgive me.'
As what Jesus teaches us to forgive 'seventy-seven time', in reply to Peter's question of whether seven time is sufficient, we always forgive you and do not keep an account.
Although sometime the forgiveness accompany the punishment, your courage and willingness to ask for forgiveness is sweet.

It is important to keep this attitude and courage to say we are sorry if we have wronged somebody, intentionally or unintentionally.
And it is even more important for us to say 'I am sorry, I have sinned agains't You' to God when we had been dissobedience.
God always forgive us in Christ if we are sincere about it.
Forgiveness set our conscience free and enable us to live with joy and confidence.

Learn that openness, sons, and keep a humble spirit.

Amazing Grace

Fidel learns to sing this great hymns of all ages at the age of 2.5 years old.
Though not with every words and was out of tune, you will shout at the top of your voice at the last stanza, signifying glorious joy in the consummation of our salvation.

So, this amazing hymns by John Newton, singing about amazing grace of God, is your grandpa favorite, you dad favorite, and your favorite. And I am sure will be Habel's favorite one day.

Oh, I Want to Know You More!

Your dad first heard this song from Steve Green's album.
Straight away it touched my heart, and until this day, many times I still wept listening to this song.
Maybe it is because the words is so relevant to my soul, where there is a constant struggle between the hunger to know Christ more, and inevitable labor to meet life's responsibility.

Sons, may this song also could encourage and draw you back to God whenever you find yourself too busy for Him.

Just the time I feel
that I've been caught
in the mire of self.
Just the time I feel
my mind's been bought
by worldly wealth.
That's when the breeze begins
to blow, I know
the Spirit's Call.
And all my worldly wanderings
just melt into His Love.

Oh, I want to know You more!
Deep within my soul I want to know You,
Oh, I want to know You.
To feel Your Heart and know Your Mind,
looking in Your eyes stirs up within me,
cries that says I want to know You
Oh, I want to know You more.
Oh, I want to know You more.

When my daily deeds
ordinarily lose life and song,
my heart begins to bleed,
sensitivity to Him is gone.
I've run the race but set my own pace
and face a shattered soul,
Now the Gentle Arms of Jesus
warm my hunger to be whole.

And Oh, I want to know You more!
Deep within my soul I want to know You,
Oh, I want to know You.
And I would give my final breath
to know You in Your Death and Resurrection,
Oh, I want to know You more.
Oh, I want to know You more.
Oh, I want to know You more...

O Jesus I Have Promised

Lyrics: John E. Bode
Music: Arthur H. Mann

O Jesus, I have promised to serve Thee to the end;
Be Thou forever near me, my Master and my Friend;
I shall not fear the battle if Thou art by my side,
Nor wander from the pathway if Thou wilt be my Guide.

O let me feel Thee near me! The world is ever near;
I see the sights that dazzle, the tempting sounds I hear;
My foes are ever near me, around me and within;
But Jesus, draw Thou nearer, and shield my soul from sin.

O Jesus, Thou hast promised to all who follow Thee
That where Thou art in glory there shall Thy servant be.
And Jesus, I have promised to serve Thee to the end;
O give me grace to follow, my Master and my Friend.

Beneath the Cross of Jesus

	Family Radio - Beneath The Cross Of Jesus .mp3
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

Beneath the cross of Jesus I fain would take my stand

The shadow of a mighty Rock Within a weary land;

A home within the wilderness, A rest upon the way,

From the burning of the noontide heat, And the burden of the day.

Upon that cross of Jesus Mine eye at times can see

The very dying form of One Who suffered there for me;

And from my smitten heart with tears Two wonders I confess

The wonders of redeeming love And my unworthiness.

I take, O cross, thy shadow For my abiding place;

I ask no other sunshine than The sunshine of His face;

Content to let the world go by, To know no gain nor loss,

My sinful self my only shame, My glory all the cross.