Free from Fear of Death

Not long ago, I brought Fidel to a funeral to send my condolence to a friend, whose father had passed away. At the hall where the coffin was placed, Fidel showed his usual excitement and curiosity at new places, walking around, touching everything seems interesting to him.

You asked me to carry you, to view the deceased uncle laying in the coffin. I did, and you looked at the body and said to me, 'like 'ye-ye' (grandpa)!' You definately remember your 'ye-ye' very well in his funeral.

Months passed.

One day, my colleague said to me, 'I want to thank your son for the impact he brought to some of my friends at my dad's funeral.' Seeing my perplexed expression, she explain that bringing a toddler to attend a funeral is something unusual for chinese, and the innocent behavior of my son had attract attention from them. They were surprised that you are so innocent and brave to insist to look at the deceased body in the coffin, and they were even more surprised that I carried you to have a look!

Our action caused them to some self reflection, and my colleague told me eventually, some of them pick up the courage to look at the deceased after we had left. This was the first time in their life they look at a death body.

Sons, I guess our trust in God, and the resurrected savior sets us free from fear of the death, and all kinds of superstitious fears. As Jesus once told the people around him, 'you shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free.' Death, for Christians, is only a passage from temporal to eternity, from labor to rest, from seen to unseen, and from promises to fulfilment.

One day, your dad will be with 'ye-ye'.

You shall miss me (I hope), but do not be dismay.

We shall meet again one day, and you will not only see your dad but our Heavenly Father too.

Remembering Ye-Ye (grandpa)

Son, 11.11.10 was one of the saddest day of my life.
My dad, your 'ye-ye' (爷爷）, was called home to be with the Lord.
Sad not because he was called home, but because death has done its trick again, the ugly trick of 'Separation.'
Just a thought of 'I am not going to see my dad again', at least till eternity, is a heart piercing feeling.
I miss him, and I am sure Fidel too. And I am sorry for Habel, not being able to experience the caring love from 'ye-ye'.

'Ye-ye' was a caring dad when I was a kid.
Few little things he done for me and with me, still very well imprinted in my mind.
He used to bring me to 'morning walk' very often, at youth park, botanical garden, and the Hindu temple near botanical garden, and sometimes, Ayer Itam dam. I remember one incident, where while I was playing football at botanical garden, one monkey suddenly jumped down from a tree and grasped my ball, carried it up a tree.

Your 'ye-ye' taught me to play Chinese Chess.
He challenged me if I am able to beat him in a chess game, he will give me RM5.
I won many times. Looking back, I know he intentionally lose the game to me.

'Ye-ye' liked to brought us (me, my sisters and brother), for a ride in his car almost every night at one time.
We will go round botanical garden (at that time, we could drive in), gurney drive, and bought supper back. Most of the time, we fell asleep in the car before we reached home, and your 'ye-ye' will carry us one by one to our beds.

'Ye-ye' used to be a church deacon, and preached occasionally.
I once asked him, 'why your sermons are always short?'
He answered me, 'like a good durian, when you open it up, it only has few fruits inside.'
Until today, when I prepare my sermon or on the pulpit preaching, these words still reminding me that it is important to have clear and precise message in each sermon I preach.

Today, your dad is still involving in prison ministry.
This is also influenced by 'ye-ye'. He was the one who brought me into Penang prison and Pulau Jerejak (it used to be a detainees camp, which has been converted to resorts now). I well remember I sang duet '一件礼物' with a brother, in front of hundreds of prisoners, gathered and sat on the floor of basketball court. It brought a big impact to my young heart and mind.



Everyone have his ups and downs.
Though your 'ye-ye' was not a perfect person, and there was a period of time, where he brought much grief to your dad, he is still and forever my one and only daddy.
On the bed of the ICU, he said to me, 'I am not a good father, and I did not play my responsibility. Sorry to all of you.'
But I told 'ye-ye', 'yes you are, you brought us up and gave to us a good up-bringing environment when we were kids.'
Without a father, there will be no son.


In remembrance of him.

My Last Sight of my Dad

Sons, this was my letter to few of my dear friends, after returning from

hospital at 1:42am 11 Nov 2010.

Not knowing this was my last sight and the last moment I spend with my dad.

Your 'ye-ye' passed away late afternoon 11 Nov.

While I was at workplace, a friend called me from hospital informed me of 'ye-ye'

critical condition.

When I reached hospital, I saw 'Ee-Ee' Cornie crying uncontrollably, and I knew at once,

I was too late........

-------------------------------------------------------

To some of my close friends,

Last 24 hours has been a moment of many reflection of pain, sorrow, love,

forgiveness and hope.

My dad was rush to hospital due to heart failure.

The image of him struggling painfully for his last breath will always be imprinted in my mind the rest

of my life.

All the sorrows and disappointing moments he brought into our lives just disappear, as me and

my sister Connie, stood besides him with tears.

Our hearts, just filled with love and sympathy for dad, who lives most of his second half of his life in

loneliness and solitude.

My dad apologize for his weakness, and failure in carry out his responsibility as father in many ways.

We assure him we don't mind at all, and never hated him. Instead, many little things he done for us

when we were kids, are still very well remembered and appreciated by us.

We told him, how we appreciate him for making breakfast for us, drive us to school, and bought us imported

expensive story books.

He just smile and said, 'this is my responsibility as your father'.

We let him talked to my sister in Johore, Mei, and brother in US, Keat.

The very moment he heard their voice, his lip quiver and tears welled up in his eyes.

Tell me it is not love.

My dad was such a strong, tough and considerate person.

With blood pressure as low as 55, and short of breath, he can still smile and talk to nurse and doctor

who attended him. No sign of fears and worry shown on his face.

It has been his character not to trouble people or make others worry.

And that was the reason why he shouldered all the financial burden alone trying to provide and maintain

our lifestyle until he couldn't make it anymore.

Many people only know and speak of my dad as a failed Christian.

But, they will never know how compassionate, loving, brave and family loving he was before he fell in his

walk with God.

People opinion on him is not important to him anymore.

He has asked forgiveness, repented, and asked God for more time, to be a good testimony, even from now

on the hospital bed.

He is laying on his bed, with peace and calmness on his face.

I just came back from hospital, holding his hand until he fell asleep.

This is one of the most precious moment in my life.

I used to see my dad as a burden to me, for the pass 20 over years.

Now, I realize, this burden has become part of me, and it is very painful and hurt, to cast it away.

God willing, let me continue to carry this burden.

Thank you for your concerns, love and prayers.

Special thank to my wife Liana.

joseph

'I am Sorry, Please forgive me'

Fidel learned to say those words at age 2 and a half, from toddler class of BSF (Bible Study Fellowship). Whenever you know you have done something wrong and deserve punishment (spanking), you will quickly say, 'Daddy (Mommy), I am sorry, please forgive me.'
As what Jesus teaches us to forgive 'seventy-seven time', in reply to Peter's question of whether seven time is sufficient, we always forgive you and do not keep an account.
Although sometime the forgiveness accompany the punishment, your courage and willingness to ask for forgiveness is sweet.

It is important to keep this attitude and courage to say we are sorry if we have wronged somebody, intentionally or unintentionally.
And it is even more important for us to say 'I am sorry, I have sinned agains't You' to God when we had been dissobedience.
God always forgive us in Christ if we are sincere about it.
Forgiveness set our conscience free and enable us to live with joy and confidence.

Learn that openness, sons, and keep a humble spirit.

Amazing Grace

Fidel learns to sing this great hymns of all ages at the age of 2.5 years old.
Though not with every words and was out of tune, you will shout at the top of your voice at the last stanza, signifying glorious joy in the consummation of our salvation.

So, this amazing hymns by John Newton, singing about amazing grace of God, is your grandpa favorite, you dad favorite, and your favorite. And I am sure will be Habel's favorite one day.